Guest Writer: Shawn Galla (my better half)
Ten years ago, I found forgiveness.
“Our Father in Heaven, Holy is your name. Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors…”
I knew my dad, he knew me.
We weren’t close. We never lived in the same house.
When we did spend time together it was often at the local bar. I played Pacman, he drank. A lot.
I got birthday cards. But he never personally signed those cards.
He never told me he loved me.
This was my reality.
As I a teenager I realized I missed out on a lot with my dad. The physical relationship with my father was virtually non-existent. Eventually we went years without speaking or seeing one another.
………….
Fast forward to December of 2005.
I was a sophomore in college. Carlie and I were on our way back from church where we had heard a message from Pastor Daniel McNaughton on the healing he experienced in his relationship with his mother.
During the drive home I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me. I was to forgive my father, but the Holy Spirit told me it needed to be in person.
Soon the college semester came to an end. It was Christmas break, and I felt strongly I was to visit my dad. Even so, I waited. And made excuses. And waited.
Finally, the day before I headed back to college, I mustered up enough courage and headed over to my dad’s house. Upon arrival, I was greeted by my grandmother and my aunt Patty who informed me that unfortunately my dad was out at work at the time, but that they would let him know I stopped by.
Immediately I felt relieved. “THANK GOD!” I thought to myself. I was obedient, did what I was supposed to do.
Check it off my list, I’m done!
Two weeks later I was woken up in my dorm room by a call from my mom. My dad was dead.
Dead.
Gone Forever.
“Wait, what? Why? How? What do you mean?”
A million “what ifs” ran through my mind.
What if I would have been closer to my dad? What if I would have seen him that last day in December? What if I had a dad as a child? What if everything had been different?
Bitterness. Anger. All of the what if’s I missed out on. Thoughts of everything that could have been but never was.
At the viewing I learned that my dad asked my family to tell me that he was at work that last day in December when I tried to visit. In reality, he had been dealing with several types of cancer for an extended period of time and was dying.
Another reason to be angry.
I knew I needed to find forgiveness.
I knew I couldn’t be the person God designed me to be trapped in bitterness.
But it was going to take a miracle. It was beyond me.
I knew that it had to be a move of the Holy Spirit.
I was a pallbearer at the funeral. Accidentally took a part of Catholic communion, even though I wasn’t Catholic (OOPS!). Prayed. Headed to the gravesite.
One by one friends and family paid their final respects to my father.
Finally, I was left alone with my father. The opportunity the Holy Spirit had been orchestrating for over a month was now in front of me.
An opportunity to let go. I had no words. I sat. I cried. I prayed. I prayed that God would allow me to move on. I prayed that God would release this burden I had no ability to carry. I prayed for God to allow me to supernaturally forgive.
Then I got up, walked out, and felt the chains of this burden released from my heart.
In one moment, I learned the power of forgiveness.
No matter how hurt I was for 20 years of my life, it didn’t matter. There was a God who loved me more than any concept of love I could ever understand.
What are those things or people you have been holding on to so tightly that prevent you from what God truly has for you?
Are you missing out on God telling a greater story through you because you are living in bitterness and anger?
LET GO.
At that time, I didn’t know I would spend the next two summers traveling the east coast sharing with thousands of fatherless teenagers the power of forgiveness.
I didn’t know God would later entrust me to minister as a youth pastor in an environment where many students were growing up without a dad.
I didn’t know that even in what seemed like my darkest days, God was orchestrating a story that would enable me to demonstrate the power of forgiveness.
It’s been 10 years (1.30.2006) since my dad passed away. Is it still sad to think about what life could have been like? Of course! But I’m not trapped by my hurt.
I forgive freely because God forgave me.
The Nourished Leader 